In the Sleeping with Money series we talk about all the lessons we’ve learned from our relationships. Well, sometimes our lessons come once removed. In my previous post on this topic I talked about the rose colored glasses that come at the start of a relationship. While you can eventually iron things out within your relationship, one fact remains. You will always be impacted by the in-laws’ habits and philosophies on money.Baggage

Even if your partner gets her financial act together, has an epiphany, and converts to the religion of financial responsibility, as long as the in-laws are alive, you have to deal with their approach to money directly or indirectly. This can get frustrating because it ultimately impacts you.

What do I mean? Well, take for instance the following circumstances all of which have happened to me or my partner in one way, shape, or form.

  • The father and sole breadwinner (self-employed as a risky sole proprietor business entity too I might add) has a stroke at a young age. He has no disability insurance (thought it was a waste of money) and little life insurance. His ability to return to work is in question.
  • Family doesn’t believe in preventative medical care or any sort of healthy behaviors (like keeping weight in check, eating healthy, exercise, etc.) so a father (who was a walking time bomb) dies suddenly and young leaving said sole-proprietorship to be dissolved and widow in need of income.
  • With a philosophy of ‘why spend money to better one’s skills’ widow is left with no job, no real skills, and refuses to take any unskilled, “inconvenient” jobs (i.e. retail).
  • Living with an approach that a penny not spent on upkeep of one’s residence is a penny available for the Atlantic City slot machines leaves the surviving family with an extremely old, unsaleable house in a bad neighborhood that no one is willing to leave.
  • Buying stuff to buy stuff. Rather than invest in quality and items you truly need, want, or can use, wads of money are wasted each year and create an atmosphere of clutter and scarcity.

So what do these examples have to do with your financial situation (or in this case mine)? Well from a dollars and sense direct financial impact – so far nothing. Yet, when you’re in a partnership for the long haul, the drama and consequences of the in-laws come with the package. If you and your partner are both only children it is even more stressful. What happens if the surviving spouse outlives the small pool of money she inherited? What if she gets ill and needs long term medical care? What if she gets injured or hurt living in an unsafe neighborhood? What if she dies unexpectedly tomorrow and we get left with sorting out the household mess? Life is uncertain, and there are of course a million what-ifs. Yet, what would you do? To what degree can and do you influence the inlaws’ choices? How much of your concerns and opinions do you voice to your partner? And, how do you express it so as not to upset her since it is in fact her family that she loves even if she doesn’t agree with all their choices? What degree of financial assistance are you able and willing to provide the family?

Some great things to consider…and heck I may have just brainstormed me some future “what would you do” posts. But seriously — you need to consider that when you’re in a relationship you’re not just sleeping with money (your partner), but lodging at the in-laws motel as well. Be sure to have a plan to communicate with each other so unexpected developments with others don’t leave your relationship at risk.