The holiday season approaches us, and it’s that time of year when many couples introduce his or her partner to the family, or when this anxious reunion happens once again. It’s the time of year that brings back a vivid childhood memory of when I went Christmas shopping with my sister. I’m about seven years old when I’m in the play area of boutique toy store making a stuffed leather giraffe destroy a city made of building blocks a la Godzilla, which I had just seen. Behind me is a couple squabbling about money.

Husband: I’m not spending $300 of my money on some stupid toy for your nephew. You are bleeding me dry!

Wife: First of all, it’s our money. And we’ve spent a fortune on your family, so I don’t know why you’re making exceptions now.

Husband: [Yelling.] You see, this is exactly why I’ve been wanting a divorce.

I could work with several different angles in what’s wrong in the scenario above, but I’d like to focus on one angle of pure speculation. Could it be that this couple came from very different financial backgrounds, and thus had wildly contrasting views on what’s an acceptable gift and what isn’t?

I started thinking about the merging of families and very different finances when my friend told me that she is going to meet her partner’s family at Christmas for the first time. Her partner never worked a day in his life, mostly because his family is well off. She on the other hand has been paying her own way since adolescence because her family was always struggling to get by. I couldn’t help but wonder how that first meeting and exchange of gifts will go, and how the disparity in backgrounds will shape future interactions.

Aside from gift giving, here are some other potential issues that need to be negotiated:

Travel expectations: Can both partners afford to travel for visits as much as their respective families expect?

Entertainment expenses: Can both partners afford (or enjoy the quality of) shows, dining and vacation with each other’s family?

Accepting money: How will the other partner feel about accepting money from the wealthier family?

Giving money to support family: How will the partners handle the issue of helping family members who are in financial crisis?

Appearance: Will partner and family be able to accept differing standards for clothes, cars or home? [I’ve actually witnessed this as a source of conflict in many relationships.]

It’s not just couples from opposite socio-economic backgrounds that should be prepared for differences. For instance, Zac and I both come from varying degrees of middle-class families. However, our families spend very differently. My family is more live-for-today and spend-while-you-have-it, whereas Zac’s family is more fiscally conservative. We’re going to need to iron out a spending for family game plan in order to prevent our family differences from coming between us.

And that’s my money lesson for this edition of Sleeping With Money. Take a look at you and your partner’s financial backgrounds. Be prepared for potential differences in family expectations and interactions before they blow up into a fight. Last thing you want to do is traumatize a child at a toy store playing Giraffezilla.