The Bliss Chronicles: On Foggy Path, Gaze Inward Leads to Clearer Conditions
[If you’ve been following along with The Bliss Chronicles, you’ll notice I’m taking a different approach to money writing. I’ve always felt personal finance could use some more humanity, although in this week’s edition I’m plowing further ahead in my detour. Brace yourself.]
No career transition is easy, though some are more manageable depending on circumstances. I’m lucky to have a supportive partner and a fairly stable financial situation. I don’t take these facts for granted. Not anymore at least.
When I was being overworked as a paralegal, I had to abandon time I’d dedicate to most of my interests. I had little or no time for reading books, cooking, enjoying nature, or finding obscure music and movies. I barely had time to date Zac, but I made it happen because I met an incredible person.
Zac turned out to be my mirror during a time when I didn’t recognize myself, and I don’t just mean that in some annoying dramatic way. I mean it literally too — there were weeks that I was pulling so many all-nighters at work that I couldn’t even think straight, unless it was related to the facts of a case I was working on.
On a rare night that I got out of work early, I caught up with an old photographer friend of mine. I explained to him that Zac was my only connection to sanity, because when I looked at myself in the mirror, I kept asking, ‘œWho is this person? And why does someone as great as Zac think I’m so special?’
So my friend took a few pictures for me, hoping the camera would provide more answers than the image a mirror provided. And it worked.
There wasn’t anything about me that was different except for circumstances. I still liked the same old things, still had the same values and burning desire to be my own boss some day. The difference was that the man in some of the photographs had a trapped, helpless look on his face.
I was making easy money — over $40 an hour in overtime just for making freaking binders! until three in the morning, or longer. It was a little more involved work than that, but not complicated work, which made it harder to walk away from. The most difficult part of the job was to bite my lip when a diva attorney would yell at me because he didn’t like the size of the divider tabs I used.
It’s not in my nature to bite my lip, nor to let anyone or anything get in my way of spending time with Zac. And frankly, while I like money, I’m not someone who is money-hungry enough to endure being mistreated at work and relinquish control of my own schedule in the evenings and weekends.
Looking back, my career transition started the day I saw those pictures nearly 18 months ago, and not only because I saw how trapped I felt from my work situation.
Two other pictures from that night startled me. In the first one, I saw that I looked a bit older and worn, like my appearance was finally catching up to my age. Then I saw an expression on my face I had never seen before, but didn’t seem so foreign either. I was staring into the camera with a piercing look in my eyes, as if I’m about to say, ‘œI’m not giving up yet, and I never will.’
In the second picture, I wore a giant smile while I thought about Zac. I looked somewhat goofy. There was a lovestruck gaze in my eyes, the kind that either makes you melt or vomit, depending on how you’re inclined to respond when you witness a tender moment. I never let my guard down for a picture like that before.
Even though I couldn’t recognize the person in my own reflection, those two pictures showed me that I still had hope. I wasn’t completely lost. I still had spirit to keep trying, and I had a boyfriend who knew that and admired me for it. He always said that’s why he looks up to me, and he still says it now.
If it weren’t for Zac, I wouldn’t have seen that I was taking my own strength for granted.
I didn’t know how I was going to make a career transition, or what particular destination I had in mind, but I knew that I was going to make it happen shortly after I saw those two pictures. I finally saw what Zac sees in me, and that was enough for me to believe I can accomplish anything.
This week’s lesson about venturing into a career transition is that you can’t do it alone. You don’t necessarily need a partner, but you need some sort of loving support, either from friends (like those who offer to take pictures of you — thanks again J), from family, or anyone who has known you a long time.
I like to think I’m the kind of person who remembers to appreciate people for the wonderful things they bring into my life. But sometimes I forget to appreciate myself, and while that sounds hokey, failing to appreciate your own strengths will make searching for a way out of a bad career harder than it needs to be.
Those are a lot of words just to say that more than ever you need close contact with the important people in your life when considering a career transition. But they’re also words no one ever said to me, and they’re words I wish I heard during extreme low points in my old unsatisfying job. That’s why I’m here to say there’s hope, as long you remember to keep looking inward with the help of others.
Next week: A career transition for me has meant leaner financial conditions, but Zac and I are coping nicely. Stay tuned.
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