checklistWe learn by our mistakes. There’s one mistake I’ll never make again, and it’s accepting the house guest from Hell.

It’s surprising how many of us have these stories. Recently Zac and I ran into another couple we know. They were coming home from a jog. I casually mentioned that I didn’t know they were runners — that’s when they realized they took up running together ever since their awful house guest arrived. They wanted to do anything and everything to get away from her “intense personality.”

I love hosting and showing people around my lovely city. But one terrible person who shall remain nameless ruined the experience for me. I never met a more inconsiderate, imperious, opinionated, freeloading, immature, competitive-for-no-reason, abrasive, materialistic, oblivious and arrogant person until the day I welcomed said monster into our home for an entire weekend.

There were many things I failed to consider before agreeing to host one of the worst people I ever met. I give you this checklist to save you from the scarring experience I endured that haunts my memories to this day. Oh, let me also mention that it was costly.

House Guest or Hotel Checklist

1. When was the last time you saw this person, and how frequently have you kept in touch?

Seriously, people can change a lot in a year, even months. Inviting an old friend into your home sounds like a nice opportunity to catch up and remember the good old times. But unless you’ve kept in frequent contact, there’s no other way of spotting red flags that may tip you off that this person will irritate you beyond sanity when you’re spending nearly twenty-four hours a day with them.

If there’s a faint voice of doubt in your head about hosting, amplify it! Follow your instinct and be honest with your visitor that separate accommodations may lead to better quality time spent together. Perhaps suggest hosting on the next visit if all works out.

2. Has the person invited his or her self into your home?

The following sounds very innocent: “Hey, do you mind if I crash at your place when I come visit?” Don’t assume too much. Just because someone invited his or her self doesn’t mean they are an experienced and considerate house guest. In most situations, it’s good etiquette to respect boundaries and be the one who is invited, not the one inviting yourself. There may be other less pleasant quirks to the self-inviter just waiting to be unleashed.

3. Do the people you live with know the potential house guest?

Whether it’s roommates, family or a partner, everyone you live with should be comfortable with hosting a stranger. Some people, for whatever reason, just don’t get along. If you have any doubt about the people you’re bringing together, suggest a hotel.

4. Can you have frank discussions about money with the potential house guest?

Sometimes playing host can be expensive. You may need to take a vacation day from work. You’ll be tempted to pay for frequent dinners and drinks out. You’ll need some extra groceries. You’ll probably spend on touristy stuff you’ve done a million times already. None of that is a big deal if you really like your house guest, or if you’re shown just a tad of appreciation.

Some house guests, however crazy this sounds, expect their hosts to keep paying for everything.

If raising your concerns about money with your potential house guest sounds too difficult, suggest a hotel.

5. Is the visit all or nothing?

If someone wants to visit only if they can stay with you, that’s a lot of pressure. Depending on the depth of the relationship, an all or nothing visit is OK. Cherished family members and best friends can get away with an all or nothing visit. For everyone else, you may want to consider why the conditions are so absolute.

6. Is this visit good or bad timing?

If you’re short on time or money, be honest with your visitor. You don’t want someone to stay with you if you’re unable to be an attentive host. If your potential house guest doesn’t mind having a very independent visit, then letting them stay may work out.

7. Do people say you’re too nice?

Without hesitation, suggest a hotel.

I’m sure there are other questions you may want to ask. These are just some of the things I wish Zac and I considered before wasting precious hours and dollars we can never have back. Feel free to post your own suggestions or house guest horror stories so that we can all learn to be better hosts.

[Photo by: Menlo School.]