Today’s that big Hallmark Holiday (as I refer to these holidays like Secretary’s Day, Mother’s Day, etc. that were created mostly to sell cards) called Valentine’s Day. While I am all for celebrating love today and everyday, I have to snicker at the whole push to “do” Valentine’s Day. You can drop a heck of a lot of money for one day in February with little ROI in terms of happiness or even relationship building. The mass market is of course targeted at straight couples. After all having gay and lesbian couples in all those adds would make too many people squirm and the right wingers get their panties in a twist, right? So, as a result – will you spend more or less than the average on your Valentine’s Day as a LGBT individual?

If you need something to jump start an ulcer, take a look at these average costs for common Valentine’s Day gifts over at Bankrate. Here are my favorites:

1 dozen red roses w/vase $79.99 + $9.99 shipping
Love Me Tender Elvis Bear $89.95 + $15.99 shipping
Extra-large romantic velvet heart chocolates 50 pieces $135 + $15.95 shipping

Now I love roses, chocolates, and cute teddy bears as much as the next person but those are some pretty steep prices. I just got back from a quick trip to the local grocery store and there are various men scrambling around the over-priced roses and chocolates like vultures on road kill. People frantically searching last minute for a card or “something, anything” so they don’t screw up Valentine’s Day. If this isn’t emotional spending out of guilt and a sense of lack, I don’t know what is.

So, as a queer couple, do you engage in frantic gift buying to mark this day? Or, do you shun it altogether? Or, perhaps somewhere deep inside you feel your relationship is a little “less than” due to the way society and laws work (and some inner latent homophobia perhaps) and you try and amp up your Valentine’s gift even more to make up for that? Feeling like your expression of love just as you are is “not enough” is the perfect recipe for panic purchases at times like these.

In the past I used to get a little frantic trying to express my deep love in some external way each February 14th. I think it came from years of hating the day because I didn’t have any “special someone” and then once I did I wanted to show that appreciation times 10. I don’t know if it is age, maturity, or simply more conscious spending, but I’ve outgrown that. We both have.

This year I believe will be the simplest yet. No gifts or cards, no overpriced/unimpressive dinner out. We are simply going to cook a simple but tasty meal, open a bottle of wine, and be together. If we’re really energetic we may even play with our common vision map a bit (those common dreams we have for the future) and just bask in the love and gratitude we have for one another. Expensive? No. Priceless? You betcha.

Paula Gregorowicz is the Comfortable in Your Own Skin(tm) Coach and you can learn more at her website www.thepaulagcompany.com and blog www.coaching4lesbians.com .

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