WWYD: Run through your money or plan a respectful death
‘œThis is what I’ve planned all along,’ ‘“ Jack Kevorkian
When I interviewed Susie Bright, the well-known author and sexpert for our Ten Money Questions series, she opened up about retirement and indicated that health care (even at her playful age) is a crippling expense.
She writes, ‘œI don’t want to live long unless my health is remarkable. I’m planning a respectful death before I become disabled. It’s not a morbid thought for me, it’s liberating.’
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross once said, ‘œDying is nothing to fear. It can be the most wonderful experience of your life. It all depends on how you have lived.’
Yet I find a lot of people are uncomfortable with death. It never really bothered me. I don’t think about it or worry about it. It is what it is. My partner, Jeanine doesn’t like to talk about it. When I’ve tried, she laughs in a nervous way and says, ‘œOkay, we can stop talking about this now.’ I think it gives her the creeps.
We have however talked about it in relation to our finances. We have life insurance and a trust and have made the necessary arrangements so that if one passes, money will not be a stressor for the other.
What we haven’t ever talked about is the scenario that Ms. Bright hints to above. If you knew death was inevitable and it was just going to cause you to blow through your savings or leave behind a family with enormous debt, would you ‘œrespectfully’ bow out of the game of life?
The newsmagazine, Nightline covered physician-assisted suicide recently in their story: Dying With Dignity, or Just a ‘˜Bad Law’? Here we read about Sue Williams, head of the local Right to Life Group, who campaigned against the death-with-dignity law when it was signed into law ten years ago.
She believes suicide is a desperate act. ‘œI don’t think you can have a dignified death when you chose to kill yourself,’ Williams said. ‘œIf there is a law that says ‘˜Yes, you can kill yourself,’ that is a bad law.’
Or is it? What happens if money becomes part of the consideration? Does the practicality of finances make you think differently about such a choice? It does for me. I’d certainly consider it. Of course, there are a lot of ifs and buts with this question.
So let’s hear what you have to say in this week’s What Would You Do? question Would you plan a respectful death? Or is it wrong and ridiculous to even consider it?
We have completed health care proxies, wills, and all that set up. I have even completed a form that my pastor keeps at the church as to what music I want at a memorial service– let’s just say that the choir won’t be singing Amazing Grace or other tired hymns. I’d rather people have a smile and remember me to the tune of “To Be Real” by Cheryl Lynn– and think about how I always lived a genuine and “real” life. My pastor and I had a chuckle over what people’s reactions would likely be.
I am completely healthy and not one foot in the grave or anything- I just don’t want others deciding how I leave my dance off this planet. My partner knows exactly what my feelings are about articifial life support. If anything, I’d have the plug pulled sooner than most would– not that I’m anxious to leave the party here– but as a nurse I have seen some dreadful end of life experiences and DO NOT want that happening to me. I have worked as an oncology (cancer) nurse in my time as well. Back in the day, I made sure to get myself a copy of the book “Final Exit”– so that if I am really beyond help and support, I know how to go or how to instruct a loved one to help me go. That being said, I also think people don’t get into hospice care until its really too close to the end. There is a great wealth of knowledge they have in providing comfort and support during end of life care.
The line from Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: “Dying is nothing to fear. It can be the most wonderful experience of your life. It all depends on how you have lived†really speaks to me.
Great edgy topic. This is worth some thought. On this and related topics its difficult to get your internal opinions consistent.
Also, what about the anecdotal lessons which suggest the financially more stable and more well established tend to have better health? Is an individual contentious enough to consider the crippling cost of health care more likely to budget properly for it and in turn more likely to not require a respectful death?
Thanks for bringing up this taboo subject. In this culture, we almost pretend like death doesn’t happen or it only happens to the unlucky. And so we don’t want to think about it or talk about it.
I used to think I’d want to do everything possible to live. I fear death because I really think it is nothing, and I don’t want nothing. Too bad for me, it’s going to happen.
Two things have changed my mind about wanting to do everything possible to extend my life. One is that life can turn into something I don’t want.
The other is knowing that there is a limit to the resources available to people. Whenever we talk about national insurance, we’re always talking about no-holds-barred insurance for everyone. This seems fair, but it’s very expensive. I’ve come to think that a good start would be tax-payer-funded health care for everyone for all treatments that are cheap and work well. I’m willing to pay so that everyone who needs it can have aspirin and asthma inhalers. I’m also willing to pay for expensive one-time things that make a big difference in people’s lives, especially if they are young.
But a cancer treatment that costs a million dollars and has a 20% chance of working on a ninety-year-old? I don’t want to pay for that, and I don’t think it’s fair for me to ask my insurance company to pay for that for me either. Think how much more good that million dollars could do elsewhere. (Like curing every aspirin-curable headache for everyone in the world for weeks, probably.)
And so in cases like this, I would like to think I would refuse treatment. And that is one way to plan a respectful death.
So in the scenario you describe, where I knew death was inevitable and treatment was just going to cause me to blow through my savings or leave behind a family with enormous debt, yes, I can certainly think of a lot of better ways to spend that money.
I think the problem is that you tend to slip away. You don’t move in one step from good quality of life to bad, just slowly drift, this will make it hard to decide to die. Perhaps I should blow through the money in extravagance and then die.
I have told Mr. Micah and my family about my wishes should I ever be in, say, Terry Schiavo’s situation. They can let me be a vegetable for a few months or years, just to make sure things don’t improve. But then I want out!
I don’t think I’d run through my money. I wouldn’t go out of my way to be overly frugal either. And I’d work hard on figuring out where it would go after I died.