WWYD: Withholding can be enabling
A few weeks back, in a previous column in the What Would You Do Series, I wrote that my Dad had asked for a $3,000 loan in order to replace his aging means of transport. A few people commented that I should just go ahead and give him the money (not a loan), despite the danger that it would open up the floodgates to other family problems.
Well, I didn’t follow that advice. Whether out of selfishness, fear, or the voice of experience (telling me the risks outweighed the benefits), I did not give the money nor did I loan it. I wrote my Dad back saying that I didn’t have $3,000 to spare, but I would help as and when I could. And I gave some money for his birthday (in October) and some more for Christmas.
I felt quite a bit of guilt over this, despite the fact that I already have serious family obligations, including saving for my niece’s college expenses. But in my heart of hearts, I believed I was doing the right thing.
However, I definitely expected a negative reaction. So I was apprehensive to read my Dad’s response last week.
“Dear Rich,
I have my bike!
I am very glad that you did not have the money to loan me. It enabled me to purchase the bike on my own. That, in part, provided the motivation to find a way.
The list price of the bike came to $2,956.88. I had no idea I could come up with that much money!”
He then detailed how he drew on savings he had, my gifts, a manufacturer price drop, the local bike shop discount, and then several months of very frugal living. His letter continues:
“On December 27th, I walked into the bike shop saying ‘I want it and I want it now!’ (to their amusement). Sixteen pounds of pure machine. Worth every penny!
So can you tell I am happy?! I am keeping my old frame. Some people hang them on the wall, like art works. Maybe with a spotlight? Maybe not.
Love,
Dad”
Aww, that’s awesome! I’m glad your dad “found a way” and still was able to get the bike he wanted. It sounds like his self-sufficiency added to his happiness with his purchase. Congratulations to both of you!
I just love happy endings!
Most Excellent! It’s really hard to say no to family, or anyone close in general, but sometimes limiting options is the best way to help someone. I believe that the subliminal message in the voice of experience was “this isnt right and it isnt helpful (to completely pay.)” In any case, the results speak for themselves. Good Job!
UUUuuuuuhhhhhhhhh….Sorry for this but….
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR EVER LOVING MIND….?????? $3,000 FOR A BICYCLE…???????????????????????????????????